Shirley the Loon

She talked most of the time
in a fake British accent and
imitated Shirley the Loon
and it seemed as if she never realized that
harried & hurried
were two different words.
She claimed to write mystery novels
said she had an award-winning series out
but I worked at a bookstore and
had never heard of them before.
One older guy thought she was
the cat's ass
ya know, clean, smooth, tight
but I think he was just happy
to be back in school
and I didn't hold it against him.
I guess he figured out she was crazy
a few weeks after the rest of us
the day she started talking about airport security
and in the middle of her bitching rant
she somehow found it fitting to take her bra off
momentarily exposing two loose, flapping
stark-white breasts
nipples pointing straight to her shoes
some of us gasped, most of us nervously laughed,
almost all of us started packing up our things
a few more prudish girls went to tell on her
-and I'm not saying they shouldn't have,
that lady was crazy-
and next week when I came back for class
there was a paper on the door-saying she'd been
dismissed
class was canceled
and it was so late in the semester
that rather than finding another professor
they just gave us all B's.