Pneumonia

Saw the woman of my life today.
Sterilized rooms and breathing tubes.
High risk for falls, coded bracelets.
Her eyes closed upon my entry,
silver hairs framing her innocent face,
ebony hairs not too far behind.
I stood in the doorway a moment
watching her sleep,
breathing in. Breathing out. Fascinated by life.
Questioning my spirituality.
I felt a lump form in my throat as she awoke and smiled at me,
after I gently called out her name-
knowing this was the only woman I'd ever truly love
the only woman genuine enough to break me.
I sat at the foot of the bed, occasionally grazing her hand,
straining to decide if her eyes were brown or hazel,
struggling to remember the smell of our old house-
red carpet in the living room.
Blue carpet in the bedroom we shared.
I wish I could go back for just one evening.
Go back and love him more, not be afraid to show him.
Not take laying my head next to hers for granted,
appreciate how she always held me like I asked her to.
Now I'm the big, strong one-even though I don't feel that way-
and I placed her in my arms, lightly scratching her scalp.
My lips became frozen on her forehead and I didn't want to let go,
didn't want to stop being next to her.
Despising the unkindness of time on multiple levels.
She told me the weeks had been so long with out me.
I longed for just 5 more minutes,
my heart breaking as we said goodbye.