ramble

nervous feelings don't have to be bad
or good sometimes they just are
what they are and can't be nothing else

I'm driving to class with these butterflies in my
gut. what for? see the girls sitting together at the
cafe table, taking in the last bit of purple sky
and coffee and it makes me miss my early twenties
miss my best friend, miss my husband
miss days where I had the time to get
day drunk in the park
am I worried because I sprayed the dog with
bug spray? worried he'll get sick? worried
I haven't taken him or the cats to the vet in a year
and that I'm a shitty pet owner for it?
worried I left him outside? worried the man
that's been hiding in girls backyards on Euclid Avenue
and attacking them when they get home, might be in mine
when I get back from school?
am I excited that the semester is ending soon? or that
he'll be home on Saturday. That I'll get to smell him and pick
up his socks?

I don't know, but class is beginning and I still have this
sinking neutrality in my gut.